From tomorrow there is twenty-five days until July 14th, the day that I will marry Will. The day we'll walk in the field towards each other, a field full of wildflowers and evening sun and people we love. We'll stand hand-in-hand and say things to each other that has been culminating in our hearts since we started loving each other, and then we'll party our asses off until the sun comes up the following morning. I can't wait until the day after, when I get to wake up and say "Goodmorning Husband!"and kiss him and realize that for the rest of my life, I get to say that and do that. I am so excited. So excited!
Blog posting has been sparse. I don't really care except for myself, because looking back over this process through blog posting and photos has been fun. The last time I posted was after the finishing of those invitations, when I wanted to just run away and get married because it was all so overwhelming. Now things are incredible. Will started a new job and we've both decided that there isn't much point in me finding something for work until after we're married due to the fact that I'd have to take so much time off. So I've been gardening like a mad-woman. I end my days exhausted and happy and full of dirt: dirt in my fingernails and toenails and in my hair and in the cracks of my summer feet and in random streaks where I've swatted horseflies away but left a trail of dark earth. I really, really love this summer. At twenty-eight I am exactly where I want to be doing exactly what I want to be doing. It's such a good feeling.
Bullets:
*Bonnaroo has come and gone. thankyoulord. It ended up being an event that Will and I forced ourselves to go to. We wanted to go because we thought it would be good for us to have something really fun to look forward to right before the wedding, where we would just hang out with friends and laugh and have a wonderful time. It ended up being that, but also not worth it, because it was all of that AND the opposite of all of that, if that makes sense. I didn't hang out with one of my dearest friends hardly at all. That sucked. I ended up feeling detached from myself and like I was counting down the days until we were back in the car and headed home. It's not that I didn't have fun, it just was not what I was dreaming it up to be based on the experience I had when I went before, with just Morgan and Justine. I miss those girls and the experiences we have when we're three and like sisters and laughing and talking and filling up our souls with each other. This was supposed to be that, but it wasn't. I left sad, and that feeling has stayed with me.
*My oldest friend, probably unbeknownst to her and probably I should tell her but probably she'll read this post and know it's about her, has come back in my life in a way that feels most wonderful and good. She's never gone away, but I've felt as if I've drifted myself away from her these past few years. We've had a rocky friendship at times, but have alwaysalways stayed friends. Always. Since May I've missed her so much that it actually hurts. I don't even know why. It's not like I don't miss her other times, but starting in May I just felt like I've NEEDED her in my life. And guess what? She just told me she's coming for a week to help out and hang out. It's made me so happy I've cried.
*Those last bullets were really personal. I should probably erase them but I won't.
*So far everyone has said yes on their RSVPs. Actually, that's a lie. Today I got a couple in the mail that were answered in a no, and some of them made me really sad because I fully expected them to come and didn't realize until now that because Will and I wanted an evening wedding, it would make it impossible for these people to come just because they're older and unable.
I don't feel like writing anymore. I need to get outside...
I'll post photos later.
