wedding update

Nineteen days to go! 
Thought I'd do a little updating on the status of wedding projects. 
The decorations for the wedding ceremony and reception are very simple: flags and white lights and flowers. I've been super busy with gardening, white lights are being collected, but the flags have not been worked on hardly at all. 
So today, this wonderfully rainy June day, was packed full of sewing. I'm just taking pieces of fabric I have around the house and cutting them into shapes I like and sewing them up. They're all different colors and all different shapes and all different sizes. I have some made out of an old blue polka-dotted shirt from something I found at the GoodWill store for Halloween last year, a red and white flowered flag from a favorite dress that had some broken straps, and a pretty tan flowered flag from curtains that I made from one of my very first apartments. I'm going through old fabrics from my mom as well, and cutting those up and sewing a million more flags. 
Nineteen days to get this (plus a whole lot more) all done. Cripes.

And then here is what my calendar looks like, if you wanna know. Looking at this made my darlin' freak out. 

That Maine is our Honeymoon. We're doing the simple thing, and going camping and hiking and kayaking and beachin'. One full week of it. I can't WAIT. 

happy summer!

yesterday was the solstice! we celebrated by hopping in the car the minute that will got home and heading to the river for a beer and a swim. it was heaven! we didn't get home until after nine, swimming until the sky turned lavender and it grew quiet all around us. vermont holds such magic. 

it felt like i was swimming at a different river, even though this is the same spot i've always gone to. the flood changed the entire flow, shape, beaches, banks and feeling of this spot. it was pretty amazing to see that. 


today i'm going through all of the plates and vases we've collected for the wedding and making an inventory so i can see what we still need. it's coming up so soon. SO SOON. i'm getting a ball in my stomach as i'm writing this, realizing all that needs to get done and how little time is left. shit. how is it already a little over three weeks away?!!

three weekends in between

From tomorrow there is twenty-five days until July 14th, the day that I will marry Will. The day we'll walk in the field towards each other, a field full of wildflowers and evening sun and people we love. We'll stand hand-in-hand and say things to each other that has been culminating in our hearts since we started loving each other, and then we'll party our asses off until the sun comes up the following morning. I can't wait until the day after, when I get to wake up and say "Goodmorning Husband!"and kiss him and realize that for the rest of my life, I get to say that and do that. I am so excited. So excited!

Blog posting has been sparse. I don't really care except for myself, because looking back over this process through blog posting and photos has been fun. The last time I posted was after the finishing of those invitations, when I wanted to just run away and get married because it was all so overwhelming. Now things are incredible. Will started a new job and we've both decided that there isn't much point in me finding something for work until after we're married due to the fact that I'd have to take so much time off. So I've been gardening like a mad-woman. I end my days exhausted and happy and full of dirt: dirt in my fingernails and toenails and in my hair and in the cracks of my summer feet and in random streaks where I've swatted horseflies away but left a trail of dark earth. I really, really love this summer. At twenty-eight I am exactly where I want to be doing exactly what I want to be doing. It's such a good feeling.

Bullets:

*Bonnaroo has come and gone. thankyoulord. It ended up being an event that Will and I forced ourselves to go to. We wanted to go because we thought it would be good for us to have something really fun to look forward to right before the wedding, where we would just hang out with friends and laugh and have a wonderful time. It ended up being that, but also not worth it, because it was all of that AND the opposite of all of that, if that makes sense. I didn't hang out with one of my dearest friends hardly at all. That sucked. I ended up feeling detached from myself and like I was counting down the days until we were back in the car and headed home. It's not that I didn't have fun, it just was not what I was dreaming it up to be based on the experience I had when I went before, with just Morgan and Justine. I miss those girls and the experiences we have when we're three and like sisters and laughing and talking and filling up our souls with each other. This was supposed to be that, but it wasn't. I left sad, and that feeling has stayed with me.

*My oldest friend, probably unbeknownst to her and probably I should tell her but probably she'll read this post and know it's about her, has come back in my life in a way that feels most wonderful and good. She's never gone away, but I've felt as if I've drifted myself away from her these past few years. We've had a rocky friendship at times, but have alwaysalways stayed friends. Always. Since May I've missed her so much that it actually hurts. I don't even know why. It's not like I don't miss her other times, but starting in May I just felt like I've NEEDED her in my life. And guess what? She just told me she's coming for a week to help out and hang out. It's made me so happy I've cried.

*Those last bullets were really personal. I should probably erase them but I won't.

*So far everyone has said yes on their RSVPs. Actually, that's a lie. Today I got a couple in the mail that were answered in a no, and some of them made me really sad because I fully expected them to come and didn't realize until now that because Will and I wanted an evening wedding, it would make it impossible for these people to come just because they're older and unable.

I don't feel like writing anymore. I need to get outside...

I'll post photos later.

suck it, stress

Will and I do this thing at the end of the day when we're in bed, where we list five things we are really really grateful for that happened on that day. I'm doing a blog-version of that right now to better illustrate how I've chosen happiness instead of stress and the ways in which it has worked out. 


1. The invitations are completely and totally done. Will and I sent them out together on Tuesday evening. We walked to the big blue mailbox at the post office and together we opened it and pushed those ridiculous invitations away. It felt so freaking good. He looked at me with the biggest grin and said "welp, it's happening!" It felt really real. I know that's weird, it's just a sending of the invitations, but I can't tell you how much those stupid things stressed me out and how amazing it felt to just be done with them. Plus we celebrated by sitting out on our porch with a few beers and just talked the rest of the night away--not once about the wedding. It was nice to just forget about it.

assholes.

2. Yesterday we worked on the pig's shed together and made her a dang mansion. I'm just grateful for that because it was fun. No other reason.

Piggles+milk=adorableness.

3. My dad came home! He has been gone since March 8th. My mom looked really pretty last night when we dropped her off to meet him at the restaurant for dinner. Obviously she's happier when he's home, but it was good to see it and it made me happy. 

4. Today my little brother did this:

Dude. I have no words. Ceremony spot!!!!! Part of the reason I've been so stressed is because of the amount of work we have to do on the land, with gardening, with cutting wood and cooking and preparing EVERYTHING. It's just felt totally and completely overwhelming. And so today we walked out there and he just decided to do it all. It looks freaking incredible. I was in tears walking to it realizing that it was all going to come together. IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. I'm really grateful for my girlfriends, and for our friend Cabot, who has been so organized and on top of things. I've been so overwhelmed with everything, but with notes and phone calls and nudges of encouragement from these special, special people I've really been picked right up. I've been realizing how much the wedding ceremony/reception is going to be so amazing just because at the end of it, all of these beautiful people will be celebrating with us and it's going to feel so good. So for that I'm especially grateful.

That's all! More updates coming as it's getting closer and closer and closer...eeeeeeeeeek!!

What a difference a year makes

This time last year I was...wait. Actually that's false. In about a week it'll be a year. But for the sake of this post, I'm just going with it being a year ago.

This time last year, Will and I were living in Boston. I was working/out of the house 60 hours a week. Hating it. Will was miserable...a depressed shell of himself. But other than that, we were enjoying being engaged and NOT planning a wedding. And so I left for a southern road trip with J and M, with a stop-over in Memphis where we sang on stage with some saccharine sweet southern sorority girls we met. We were headed to Gulf Shores where we did what we do. By that I mean: shamelessly move in on someone's camping spot, ride shuttle busses to the Florida border with some really, really crazy people, swim in the ocean and lounge on the beach, go four loco in a parking lot to be served on by the most sarcastic southern man, wait for Justine while she blasts off on a rocket ship, make friends with horrible mothers and then leave them horrible messages for being horrible people, make an entire crowd get down country-swinging style to Old Crow, lose each other, find each other, find Morgan pouring water allover herself in line waiting for the port-a-potty's, and of course, the crazy-twirling-smiling-hippie sand-dances the three of us do best while listening to Paul Simon.

This year? This year I am LOSING MY SHIT.

This year Will and I are living back in Vermont (which is heaven, by the way. That's not part of the stress, that's fo sho!). Will is so, so happy and I am...getting there? Working on it? Something like both. We ARE planning a wedding. Two months from now, we'll be husband and wife. That feels so cool! So cool. But the process I'm not thrilled with. Actually, that's not entirely true. The invitations are getting the best of me, but I know when those are over I'll be a lot less stressed; it's the getting there part that is just driving me over the edge. There's a lot that's going on, and I just feel so overwhelmed. Not just wedding stuff. Life stuff. It's hard right now and instead of talking it out and de-stressing like I normally would, I'm a mess of pissy moods every single day because it's just mounting and I'm doing nothing to let myself just be.

To remedy this, because I'm realizing as I'm writing through this that I'm in serious need of a whole weekend of making myself insanely happy, I'm hoping that the invitations are going to be finished, and because it's supposed to be sunny and gorgeous, I'm going to wake up bright and early on Saturday AND Sunday and go for long, long ride followed by a hike or kayak with Will followed by lots of gardening with my mom followed by a marathon phone session with friends and a good, good bottle of wine. And then I'll take a deep yoga breath and move on from this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad (series of) mood(s).

Quick Little Update

It's been awhile! Wedding is still on, yes. Just don't have internet unless I'm at my parent's house, and lately every second I'm at my parent's house I'm outside and have not a moment to spend on the internerd. I love it that way. I've been busy first taking down a friend's old fence and then bringing it to my parent's land, and then taking down their old fence and putting up our 'new' one in its place. All of this for the cutest little black piggie! I probably shouldn't find her so adorable because in a few months time we're butchering her and roasting her for the wedding, but there's nothing wrong with showing my appreciation to this animal for the nourishment it will provide for us and our guests come July 14th.

Speaking of July 14th, we've got a tad over three months to go until our wedding. SHIT.

We have so much to do. I don't even know where to start. Eloping would have been loads better, it really would have.

ALSO: yes, we are doing a potluck wedding. Even if we were bajillionaires we would still have a potluck wedding. When we decided we would get married in front of people (and we reeeeeeeeeally didn't want to) we decided on doing it our own way, in the most low-key (but still pretty) way possible. Potluck, family and friends coming together, good music, camping...yep, that's what we wanted right from the start and that's how we're doing it. So bugger off you naysayers.

Aaaaand just about two months until 'Roo 2012. Heck yes. I don't know what I'm more excited for...getting married or this magical bliss. Justine and Morgan? You both reading this? TWO MONTHS.

photos! yeahhh photos!

tonight i was looking through old photographs because i'm in the process of making a gift for the family i work for. i came across some of will and me, and because going through old photos is a favorite thing to do, i thought i'd post some.

burlington nights.

the knudsey wedding

 this photo made me remember all of the nights in burlington we would sneak away to watch the sunset, or walk on the lake or just sit on a bench and talk. i miss burlington so much.

we had a lot of crap moments after i returned from france...but i remember this day as a really good day.

party at nate's not that long after we first started dating.

camel's hump

this photo reminds me of camping that weekend, and how i convinced will we should go canoeing even though there were huge waves and the wind knocked us in crazy directions. he was so in love with me that weekend. hah. 

before a concert. this concert was so.so.so awesome. i never wanna forget it. also, i know he looks so drunk but he hadn't even had a drop to drink. he just does weird shit with his eyes to mess with me.

will's baby brother lived with us for like a year. the cute boy on the left is him...and the only person that is going to stand up with us when we get married. besides will, my favorite part of will is cameron. always has been that way. i really, really love him.

back in college when we would only see each other once a month or so. some really sweet memories from this time.

CALIFORNIA! ROAD TRIP! BEST TIME EVER!

right before i left for france. this was such a good, good weekend.

le sigh. i love love love looking through photographs. also i need to get better at doing it, because lately i don't take ANY and i have nothing from the past year except random and useless photos that go on instagram. cripes.